Friday, July 13, 2012

Still Got It

From the NYT Style section:
Ms. Kahng said, “An old buyer from Neiman Marcus that I used to work with, who’s now retired, recently e-mailed me, ‘You’re still the coolest kid on the block’, and she’s right, I’ve still got it.”
Where can I get me some of that?

There's a strange dichotomy within my person. There's a part of me that decides and does what I want with disregard for propriety or of disapproving looks (admittedly, to the point of insensitivity at times), my internal moral compass my only guidance. (If you were wondering, yes, I get lost often.) And then, usually after whatever deed is done, I look over my shoulder and ask, "That's okay, right?" And then...

"That's reasonable, isn't it?"

"Is that normal?"

"Normal," I believe, is the worst word to ever be devised. 

I admire people with self-assuredness, a cool certainty of themselves. (Note: Not bravado.) What do they know that allows them to say, "She's right, I've still got it"? How do they drown out the rest of the world inhabited by [insert numerical digit followed by many zeros] people more talented, more able, luckier even? An Everest, thanks to my crippling fear of failure.

With each year under my belt, that confident, irreverent person steps with a little more spring, but contrary to logic, that only seems to heighten my insecurities. Is that normal?

Maybe that's just one of the cons of being 23. Pros: no wrinkles. Yet. Cons: self-doubt.

(image and quote via NYT, designs by Gemma Kahng)

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